1. Big Boss Man / Bad News Brown / Rick Martel / Honky Tonk Man vs. Tito Santana / Brutus Beefcake / Red Rooster / Dusty Rhodes
Well this sure is a murderers row of c-list talent. AND Tito Santana. And Tito is still wearing his strike force tights. He simply cannot let go of his breakup with Rick Martel. Listen Tito, Tom Zenk feels the same way
Tito starts things off. Him and Honky go at it, followed by a tag to Rick Martel. Because he’s fantastic, Tito keeps the pace up with a series of high impact movies. Next up, Dusty comes out to take on Big Boss Man. Some good back and forth and then they tag in Brutus and the match immediately shifts to low gear.
Fortunately the heat picks up once the goddamn ridiculous Red Rooster comes in. He gets off like two moves and then Honky Tonk tags in to start beating him up. I expect this beating to last awhile, so I settle in with some popcorn.
Tito and Martel eventually make it in the ring together and have a fantastic 4 minute run. Unfortunately the Model gets the pin and Tito is eliminated.
After Tito leaves, Rooster comes in and gets beaten by everyone for a solid 7 minutes. It culminates with Big Boss Man accidentally hitting Bad News Brown when Rooster ducks away from a move. Bad News ends up leaving. I wonder when we’ve seen this before?
Honky and Beefcake go at it next. It’s about 4 minutes of wrestling and then quite strangely, Brutus hits a high knee and gets a clean pin on Honky. It’s now 3 against 2. Martel comes in to face Beefcake and has all the momentum. Against all odds, Beefcake manages to hit a reverse sunset flip and gets the pin on Martel.
It’s just the Boss Man left by himself. Rooster comes in and Boss Man demolishes him in about 30 seconds flat and pins him quickly.
Dusty comes in next and hits Boss Man with a high cross body. He gets the pin and the match is over. Unfortunately for Dusty, Boss Man grabs his nightstick and beats everyone senseless.
Overall: Good start to the PPV
2. Macho Man / Greg Valentine / Dino Bravo / Earthquake vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan / Ronnie Garvin / Bret Hart / Hercules
Earthquake makes his debut in a PPV as the “Canadian Earthquake”. I’m going to predict this match somehow ends with Hacksaw hitting someone with a 2×4. The only reason I’m excited for this match is the potential to see Macho Man against Bret Hart. They never really faced off one on one, so this is my only chance to see them.
The action starts off with a ton of tags, and a bunch of guys in the ring, but no Macho against Hart, so I don’t care. Earthquake sits on Hercules and gets a fast pin. Garvin and Valentine end up in the ring together and because they’re having a feud it’s supposed to be exciting, but it’s not. Hacksaw gets a tag behind Valentine’s back, hits him with a clothesline for the 1-2-3. It’s now a 3 on 3 match.
Still no Macho vs. Hart.
More wrestling happens and nobody, anywhere cares because why isn’t Macho wrestling Bret Hart.
Then finally it happens and the crows goes absolutely insane. Literally just getting them in the ring together is enough to bring everyone to their feet.
They trade a few moves back and forth, and after about 45 seconds, Macho tags out. Well that was a bit of a tease. Dino Bravo ends up in the ring with Ronnie Garvin and nails my colleague’s favorite move, the side suplex. He gets an easy pin and Garvin is gone.
Another couple of tags and it’s Macho against Bret again! They exchange some moves, with Bret keeping the upper hand. Macho tags out and the momentum shifts against Hart. Bravo, Macho Man and Earthquake take turns against him.
Macho hits the flying elbow, and Bret is eliminated. It’s Hacksuck on a 3 against 1. Honestly, I barely care what happens now. Hacksuck wrestles for awhile, falls out of the ring when Sherri interferes and gets counted out. Then Hacksuck hits people with his 2×4. As predicted. The end.
Overall: Please, let this be Hacksaws last PPV
3. Ted Dibiase / Zeus / The Powers of Pain Barbarian and Warlord vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts / Demolition Ax and Smash / Hulk Hogan
Interesting that Hogan is not the main event for the first PPV since we’ve started recapping these events. It’s a measure of how ungodly popular the Ultimate Warrior was. And hey, it’s still Zeus!
We kick off with Hogan and Zeus and a complete repeat of SummerSlam with Zeus no-selling every move Hogan puts on him. Zeus starts to choke Hogan. The ref can’t get him off, so he disqualifies him. At first I think it’s an incredibly strange way to start the match, but then Jesse mentions that Hogan and Zeus are meeting in “No Holds Barred” a one-time PPV held in December. So it makes sense they wouldn’t spoil the match now.
This match is a pretty boring affair. The crowd is pretty quiet and even Jesse and Gorilla go blank on commentary for long stretches. Barbarian (or Warlord, whatever) gets a pin on Ax thanks to some outside interference by Mr. Fuji.
At this point my DVD goes kind of wonky. I wonder if this is fate telling me something about how dull this match is? I skip ahead just as Smash is getting eliminated by The Warlord (or Barbarian, whatever).
Hogan has a pretty decent run against the Powers of Pain, which culminates in double team and a spike piledriver, which is a move you don’t see to often.
The ref then disqualifies both of the Powers of Pain for the double team, which is something you never see. Now it’s Hogan and Jake against Dibiase. Dibiase manages to eliminate Jake with the help of Virgil, but Hogan hulks the fuck out and gets the win.
Overall: So so. Decent mid-card match
4. Mr Perfect / The Rougeaus / Rick Rude vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper / Jimmy Snuka / The Fucking Bushwhackers
I just realized that Rick Rude would be perfect to play OmniMan aka Nolan Grayson from the Invincible comics if they ever turned it into a movie
I gotta come clean gang. I’m not really going to pay attention to, or recap this match. I just hate the Bushwhackers too much and I’ve already sat through a match with Hacksuck. I’m going to be really factual on this one
Superfly eliminates Jaques
Piper eliminates Raymond
Perfect eliminates one of the fucking bushwhackers
Rude eliminates the other fucking bushwhacker
Piper and Rude get double counted out
Perfect eliminates Snuka
Overall: Despite not providing details, this actually wasn’t a bad match once the Bushwhackers were eliminated. The final run between Perfect and Snuka was actually quite exceptional and one of the highlights of the whole PPV
5. Andre the Giant / Haku / Arn Anderson / Bobby Heenan vs. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart / Shawn Michaels / Marty Jannetty / Ultimate Warrior
The match starts off before the Warrior even enters. Neidhart bravely attacks Andre the Giant and gets absolutely pounded for his problems, when Warrior runs in, knocks Andre over the top and gets him counted out.
Huh. It’s like 30 seconds into the match. So now we have Arn Anderson and Haku (and Bobby Heenan) against 4 guys. What a strange main event. Andre finally comes to and wants to discuss his elimination with the ref
While this action is going on outside, Haku takes advantage of the situation and gets the upper hand on Neidhart. A quick kick to the back of the head and Neidhart is eliminated
Jannetty comes in for some action and the momentum is all with Haku and Arn Anderson. Another quick kick to the face of Jannetty and they tag in Heenan to get the pin. It’s now 2 on 3.
Some things happen after that, but none of them matter because at around the 15 minute mark, Shawn Michaels uses Arn Anderson’s face as a vacuum cleaner
I’m not at all clear why or how that’s a move, but I don’t care. Eventually Michaels ends up on the top rope where Ultimate Warrior basically throws him at Haku for the high cross body.
Michaels gets the pin and it’s technically 2 on 2, even though one of those is Bobby Heenan. Arn and Michaels go at it for a really entertaining run, that sadly does not end with another Arn Anderson vacuum. It does however end with Michaels getting pinned and it’s now just the Warrior left.
Warrior makes pretty quick work of Arn Anderson and then it’s just Bobby Heenan against the Warrior. The crowd thrills to the excitement of a 280 pound body builder assaulting a man half his size with no fighting ability!
Ho hum, Warrior gets the pin
Overall: Not a bad little match and a very okay Survivor Series!