SummerSlam ’91

1. Ricky Steamboat, The British Bulldog and Texas Tornado vs. Power & Glory with The Warlord

After a hiatus from the WWE, Ricky Steamboat makes his return. Sadly, this marks the start of his unfortunate run as “The Dragon”

No longer metaphorical

He never hit the same level of popularity with this gimmick that he did as just plain ole’ Ricky Steamboat.  This would mark his only PPV as he quit the WWE a few months after this match.

He also appears to be a bit rusty against the Warlord

Okay, so you breath on me and I’ll jump halfway across the ring

The only other thing interesting about this match is in one year, all of these guys are gone from the WWE.  Davey Boy lasts the longest, appearing in next years SummerSlam

Overall: This is a good match to start the event.

2. Intercontinential Match: Mr. Perfect vs. Bret the Hitman Hart

This is widely considered one of Bret’s best matches and often appears in lists for best matches of all time.  At this point, Mr. Perfect is wrestling with a broken tailbone and herniated disks, so it’s incredibly impressive he managed to pull off this kind of match.

There’s a ton of great back and forth with very few obvious rest holds.  You can really tell how much Perfect’s back is bothering him through the whole match, but he barely misses a step

For example, this can’t be good for a broken back

The match ends with Mr. Perfect hitting a leg drop, Bret catches his leg (lying down) and converts it into a sharp shooter.  Mr. Perfect submits and Bret gets the belt.

Overall: A fantastic match

3. The Natural Disasters vs. The Fucking Bushwhackers

I’m only watching this match in the hopes that the Bushwhackers just get absolutely demolished.

And sure enough, they get destroyed by those fat assholes.  The Bushwhackers get a couple seconds of offense at the start, but it’s short lived.

That’s probably a terrifying thing to see from the mat

Overall: Meh

4. Million Dollar Man vs. Virgil

The feud between Virgil and Million Dollar Man continues.  While the storyline behind this match was very well done, the actual wrestling itself is nothing spectacular.  The match goes on a little too long and ends with Virgil getting the pin and winning the Million Dollar Belt

Virgil Dibiase SummerSlam
Dibiase and Virgil take a time out for a quick nap

Overall: Two very average wrestlers having a very average match that is elevated slightly by the over-the-top fan response to the action

5. The Mountie vs. The Big Boss Man

This is dubbed as a “Jailhouse Match” where the loser needs to spend 24 hours in prison.  Because they’re both officers of the law?  Sort of?  So somehow, this makes sense.

This is another mediocre match with mediocre wrestlers.  The crowd is still super pumped for the match, but I can’t generate any interest.

Boss Man wins with a power slam and the Mountie is taken to prison.

Uh… what are we actually going to charge him with?

Overall: This SummerSlam is taking a real shitty turn for the worse

5. Tag Team Match: The Road Warriors vs. The Nasty Boyz

WWE had an incredibly shallow Tag Team pool in 1991.  Demolition was on the way out, Hart Foundation split… the only other team of note was the Rockers.

And God forbid they ever get a title

Legion of Doom pretty effectively takes apart the Nasty Boyz, and wins the title, making them the only Tag Team to win the belt in all three major promotions (WWE, WCW and NWA).

Overall: I’m going to start skipping through this garbage PPV.  This is as bad as Wrestlemania II

5. IRS vs. Greg Valentine

Aw, come on. I don’t need to watch this match again, I already watched Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham wrestle the Dream Team of Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake in 1985.

This is the introduction of Mike Rotundo as Irwin R. Schyster aka IRS – a wrestler-slash-accountant obsessed with paying taxes.

You mean I could have been a wrestler?

After 9 minutes of boring wrestling, IRS beats Valentine clean with a small package

Given the absolute horrible garbage most of this card is, I’d like to point out who the WWE chose to leave in the dressing room in favor of these matches – Undertaker, The Rockers, Tito Santana and Jake Roberts.

Overall: Please, just end this stupid PPV

6. Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior vs. Sgt. Slaughter, Col. Mustafa and General Adnan with Sid Justice as guest referee

This match is mostly remembered for the controversy that followed. As the story goes, Warrior had told McMahon if he didn’t get a raise, he was going to no-show this event.  Having no choice, McMahon reluctantly agreed to his demands and Warrior wrestled the match.  As soon as it was over, he was fired on the spot.

The Warrior has disputed this version of events saying he quit, but at the post-match celebration in the ring, Warrior is nowhere to be seen.

Hogan Summerslam
Unless he’s the dude outside the ring with the camera? I don’t know, it’s tough to tell what he looks like without his facepaint

Anyway, obviously Hogan won this, and to celebrate he posed down with the officiator, which is standard at most sporting events.

Overall: This entire Summerslam was just a miserable, exhausting experience.

7. Bonus event: Macho Man vs. Miss Elizabeth

Summerslam 1991 was also remembered for the marriage of Macho Man to Elizabeth, even though they had already been married since 1984.  But as my wife reminds me, a marriage isn’t official until Vince McMahon says so

Hey, is this feather on my hat goddamn ridiculous?

Overall: A very strange end to a very uneven Summerslam


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