Survivor Series 1991

Some history before this match starts.  After being beaten by the Ultimate Warrior in Wrestlemania VII, retiring, and then marrying his wife in SummerSlam, Macho Man was mostly on the microphone.

Then this happened:

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Yes, that’s a snake gnawing on Macho Man’s arm because Macho Man is a crazy, crazy lunatic

Macho Man was understandably irritated that Jake Roberts attacked him with a snake and as a result of the attack, Jack Tunney (then president of the WWE) reinstated him, ending his retirement.  It’s the exact same way Michael Jordan returned to basketball I think.

The whole event was slightly gruesome as yes, that was a real snake and yes, it really bit Randy Savage and yes, he really bled all over the ring and yes, I think the people watching at ringside were vaguely horrified

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Yaaay, wrestling?

On with the show!


1. The Mountie, Ted Dibiase, The Warlord, Ric Flair vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, Davey Boy Smith


So Ric Flair finally makes his entrance into the WWE.  At the start ,Piper calls him out, but the match instead starts with Piper and Dibiase.
There’s a bunch of back and forth with Piper’s team doing most of the offence and they do a good job at keeping the excitement up.  Finally, Piper gets tagged in and takes on Flair.  It’s not stop punches and kicks and the crowd loves it

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Yaaay wrestling!

One interesting thing about this match is all about individual rivalries – it’s Dibiase vs. Virgil, Warlord Vs. Davey Boy, Piper vs. Flair and Hitman vs. The Mountie… although I’m not sure why that one is a rivalry?

Eventually Ric Flair eliminates Davey Boy, but not before Davey Boy does this to the Mountie

wtvfn
Insert your own joke about Queen Elizabeth and the Canadian Parliamentary system

What follows is a long six minutes of general wrestling with a heavy emphasis on submission holds.  Piper puts the figure four on Flair, the Mountie puts the Boston Crab on Piper, Warlord puts the Full Nelson on Virgil.

The Warlord is then pinned by Piper with some help from Bret Hart.  The match ends in a quintuple disqualification when everyone gets in the ring and pisses off the ref, I guess.

With everyone disqualified, Flair wins the match

Overall: Piper, Flair and Hart kept this entire match more entertaining than it had any right to be


2. Sgt. Slaughter, Jim Duggan, The Texas Tornado, and Tito Santana vs. Col. Mustafa, The Berzerker, Skinner, and Hercules (with Mr. Fuji and General Adnan)


Who the hell is Skinner?

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An influential American psychologist?

I don’t remember him at all.  And the Beserker?  Man, 1991 sure loved it’s Warlord / Barbarian / Conan-themed wrestlers, didn’t it?

And Tito Santana has now been re-branded as “The Matador”, also spelling the beginning of the end for his career in the WWE.  And Slaughter is now a good guy after WM VII.  Man, there’s lots of stuff to catch up on here.

Anyway, let’s start this whole recap off on the right foot

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With a flying forearm BABY

Welp, I’m happy now.  I barely even care what happens in the rest of this match.

And it’s a good thing too, because you know what happens?  Nothing!  This match is boring as shit.  I entertain myself by noticing how much Sgt. Slaughter looks like Woody Harrelson’s character in Kingpin:

Slaughter
Seriously, it’s uncanny

The face team knocks off the heel team one after the other.

Overall: Not even sweet, sweet Tito Santana and a flying forearm could save this stinker


Interlude


Between matches there is an interview with Jake Roberts.  It’s completely uneventful, except for one thing.  Below is the sweater he’s wearing Nov 27, 1991 when Summerslam was taped.

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This is the outfit he wore in a Brother Love segment around Feb, 1991, 10 months earlier:

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Is.. is that the only sweater Jake Roberts owns?  If not, is it his favorite sweater?  If it is – why?  Why would that be his favorite sweater?  It’s quite literally the ugliest sweater ever.

This SummerSlam is full of surprises


3. World Championship Title Match: Hulk Hogan vs. The Undertaker


I did not remember the Undertaker getting a title shot this early.  Is this the only time these two ever fought?  I think it is.

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Early Undertaker intimidated strictly through the size of his tie

While it’s kind of neat to see these two in the ring together, this is mostly a very dull match.  Hogan never mounts an offense, so it’s just 10 minutes of the Undertaker applying choke holds.

There’s some minor excitement at the end when Hogan hulks the fuck out and slams the Undertaker, but that’s about it.

Thanks to some interference by Ric Flair, Undertaker tombstones Hogan onto a steel chair and gets the pin and the belt.  Hogan would go on to get the belt back a week later under equally chaotic circumstances, leading to the belt being vacated and up for grabs for the winner of the 1992 Royal Rumble

Overall: Fun, but a very mediocre match


4. The Nasty Boyz and The Beverly Brothers (Beau Beverly and Blake Beverly) vs The Rockers and The Fucking Bushwhackers


This match has some historical significance as it directly to the events of the now-legendary Barbershop where Shawn Michaels superkicks Marty Jannetty and puts him through a plate glass window

The action in this match is pretty good.  Jannetty is on his A game and it’s just so disappointing how he ended up.   This would be his last PPV for awhile as he’d be let go from the WWE shortly after this due to an altercation with a police officer.

In the match itself, both the Bushwhackers are eliminated pretty quickly, leaving just the Rockers against both the Nasty Boyz and The Beverly Brothers.  The Rockers get absolutely creamed for 10 minutes until this happens:

wu03e
In all fairness, this is a completely legitimate reason to superkick someone through a plate glass window

With Michaels gone, Jannetty gives it his all, but he is finished off pretty quickly by one of the Nasty Boys

Overall: A pretty good match and the last time the Rockers would appear together in a PPV


5. The Road Warriors and Big Boss Man vs The Natural Disasters and IRS


So this is the final match of the Survivor Series.  There’s nothing too great about this very average match.

Big Boss Man is eliminated after about 5 minutes by IRS and then the Road Warriors just plow through the remaining team for the win

Overall: Meh. I really never liked the Road Warriors that much.  Once you get past their legitimately cool look, they’re not good enough wrestlers to be entertaining.  What did the Undertaker think?

Hogan Undertaker
Undertaker says “Hold on just a fucking second Hogan, I’m closing off this blog post”

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