1. Razor Ramon, Randy Savage, Marty Jannetty, and The 1–2–3 Kid vs. IRS, Diesel, Rick Martel, and Adam Bomb
Adam Bomb makes his debut appearance in this kick off match of the 1993 Survivor Series and Macho Man makes his return to the ring after a long hiatus. He gets a huge, explosive pop from the audience
There is just a ton of talent in the ring. Razor and Rick Martel start things off and get the crowd fired up with a bunch of quick moves. Adam Bomb comes out next and the match degenerates into a big guy pushing contest. Meh. Fast forward.
Razor goes for the pin and Martel comes out to drop an elbow and break the fall. Razor rolls out of the way and hits Adam Bomb. All four of the Adam Bomb team start fighting. They’re pretty angry at each other. How embarrassing!
123 Kid comes out next and just gets the absolute piss kicked out of him. It’s really, really entertaining. Savage comes out and clears house and – much to my genuine surprise – nails Diesel with the elbow and pins him clean
“What a confusing match up this has been” says Vince McMahon. I completely agree. We are about 15 minutes into the match and Jannetty has not made a tag yet. As Macho wrestles, he is distracted by Crush who comes down to ringside – they have a feud going on.
Entertainingly, Crush is on his 3rd iteration of costume / character, and I still don’t think he’s nailing it
IRS grabs Macho while he’s distracted and pins him. Some quick action follows – Razor hits the Razor’s Edge on IRS and gets the pin. Then IRS hits Razor with a metal briefcase and Razor gets counted out.
It’s down to Jannetty and 123 Kid vs. Martel and Adam Bomb!
The ending is a bit of surprise. 123 Kid gets beaten so badly he forgets how to drive. Again – it’s really, really entertaining. The match ends with a surprise pin by Jannetty on Adam Bomb and 123 Kid on Martel
Overall: That was a really fun match and a great start to the event
2. The Hart Family (Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Bruce Hart, and Keith Hart) vs Shawn Michaels and His Knights (Shawn Michaels, The Red Knight, The Blue Knight, and The Black Knight)
Why would anyone have thought this was a good idea? Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart with a bunch of miscellaneous, masked strangers.
The “Blue Knight” is actually Greg Valentine, but no one knows that. So let’s pretend I’m a viewer at this event in 1993. I’m turning over my Pearl Jam cassette on my walkman, loosening my flannel shirt and cheesing my hunger away. All I’m thinking is if I can get home for the Party of Five premiere. Why would I even want to watch this?
If you haven’t watched this match, my description won’t do it justice. The crowd is completely silent, and isn’t reacting to any of the bumps
This match is 30 unconscionable minutes long and I don’t have enough jokes to make it through the full thing. Every joke is going to be just pictures of Shawn Michaels “knights” and how they’re fat, stupid assholes.
The Hart Family beats Shawn’s team one at a time until it’s just Shawn Michaels left. Michaels eliminates Owen Hart with a sneaky pin when Owen bangs into Bret Hart. Owen gets pissed at Bret and this starts to set up the feud between the two. The match ends when Shawn Michaels says “screw this” and leaves.
Overall: What a miserable way to spend 30 minutes
3. The Heavenly Bodies (Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Prichard) vs The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson)
Hmm. 1993 Survivor Series, you are making it challenging to watch you. This match is for the “Smokey Mountain Wrestling” championship!!
Just goes to show you, the WWE roster was brutally thin in 1993. It really was a growth year. I’m not going to spend a ton of time with this match, because who are any of these people. Delightfully, the match goes on for 15 minutes.
The Heavenly Bodies win when they hit one of the guys I’ve never heard of with a tennis racket. I guess they’re the new Smokey Mountain Champions?
Overall: At this point, I’ll be glad if the next match has any actual popular wrestlers in it
4. The Four Doinks (The Bushwhackers (Luke and Butch) and Men on a Mission (Mabel and Mo) vs Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, and The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu)
Ah Christ. It’s the fucking goddamn Bushwhackers dressed up as Doink the goddamn clown. Jesus shit.
I am not going to be able to watch this match. I just can’t
Overall: The Doink team won, but I didn’t actually watch this mess
5. The All-Americans (Lex Luger, The Undertaker and The Steiner Brothers (Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner)) vs The Foreign Fanatics (Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, and Quebecer Jacques)
The Undertaker comes out to the biggest pop of the night. Just deafening. It’s impossible to oversell how popular the Undertaker was at this point in his career. He has the whole auditorium on their feet. Luger also gets a good reaction, but it’s not the same.
This starts off great, lots of quick action to keep the crowd excited. Very quickly, Rick Steiner is pinned with what looks like some kind of screwed up move by Ludvig Borga
So I’m not actually sure what happened there.
Next up is the elimination of Crush. In a turnabout of fair play, Macho Man comes in to interfere with the match and gets Crush counted out. It’s down to 3 v 3.
Jacques beats up Scott Steiner for awhile when Lex comes in. He wrestles for like 3 minutes and pins Jacques after an elbow off the second rope. All these eliminations are pretty tame so far.
Yokozuna comes in right after this move and immediately gets the pin on Steiner. It’s Lex and Undertaker against Yokozuna and Crush. We’re about 17 minutes into the match and Undertaker has not been in the ring yet.
Finally at about the 20 minute mark he comes in against Yokozuna. The crowd screams through the whole thing. Yokozuna hits a fat ass press on the Undertaker but he gets right up. They spill out of the ring and both get counted out.
That whole thing was pretty fun.
We’re down to Ludvig Borga vs. Lex Lugar which.. meh. It’s an okay final run. Lex Lugar nails a cheap flying forearm that makes me wish sweet, sweet Tito Santana was in this PPV.
Overall: That was a very fun match. So I loved the first and last match and the middle was pure, horrific misery.