1994. History will remember this as a time of madness. Forest Gump beat Pulp Fiction at the Oscars. People still listened to the Cranberries. And somehow, WWE booking came up with the idea that the Royal Rumble would end in a tie.
Gang, this is going to be a bit of an odd review. I have somehow lost my 1994 DVD of the Royal Rumble and I can’t really find a complete version online. So the first part of this recap is going to be based on other people’s recaps, since I can’t watch them live.
1. Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigealow
What does the internet tell me about this match that I can’t watch? I know it features two of my least favorite performers, and I know I was able to find this screen grab.
I think I have everything I need to know about this match. Obviously Tatanka wins and Wikipedia informs me the match was 8 minutes long. 411Mania did not care for the match because everyone hates Tatanka
Overall: Glad I didn’t have to watch it
2. The Quebecers (Jacques and Pierre) vs Bret Hart and Owen Hart
If I had to guess, I’d assume this is a fairly standard, technical match that ends with Owen Hart getting really mad at Bret to set up their upcoming feud.
Owen ends up kicking Bret in the leg and leaving. Exactly like a little brother would. According to WhatCulture, this match really was a breakout performance for Owen that launched his mid-card run. Too bad I can’t actually watch it! EFF YOU MISSING DVD
Overall: Apparently a pretty good match. I wouldn’t know
3. Intercontinental Championship Match: Razor Ramone vs. IRS
Razor came into this match with the belt around his waist. The match was a continuation of an ongoing feud between the two wrestlers.
Again – I can’t actually watch this match because of my missing DVD. I managed to find this screen capture:
showing IRS doing a falling-back face drop onto Razor Ramone. I can only assume IRS won the match, got the belt and went on to be the most dominant Intercontinental champion in the history of the WWE.
This website disagrees with everything I say and calls it a very average match
Overall: Reviewing matches without actually watching them is actually way quicker than the way I’ve been doing it.
4. Undertaker vs. Yokozuna / everyone
Great news gang! Because I own so many wrestling DVD’s, I actually have a copy of this match on my “Tombstone: History of the Undertaker” set. So I can watch this match for real. Nice!
I remember this as being one of my favorite Undertaker matches of all time. I can’t emphasize enough how much I loved the Urn / Undertaker can’t be hurt concept
Most of this match takes place outside the ring. It’s just Undertaker and Yokozuna beating on each other with a chair. Yoko hits a bunch of big power moves on the Undertaker, but he just keeps getting up. He also hits the sloppiest choke slam in his career as he can barely get Yoko off the ground, but give him credit for trying.
Undertaker goes for the casket close and then all hell breaks loose. Everyone comes down and beats him up for awhile. The complete list is Crush, Kabuki, Tenryu, Bam Bam Bigelow, Adam Bomb, Jeff Jarrett, Samu, Fatu (Rikishi) and Diesel. Undertaker fights them all off and it’s fucking awesome.
After this goes on for like 10 minutes, Yokozuna finally steals the Urn and they shut the Undertaker up in the casket. The ending then gets pretty stupid and cheesy where all the lights go out, the Undertaker appears on the big screen (from inside the casket) and vows to return
Overall: Man, that match was just awesome
5. The Royal Rumble
Quick housekeeping before we start – they have shortened the time between entrants to 1 and a half minutes, down from 2.
The first 10 people: 1. Scott Steiner / 2. Samu / 3. Rick Steiner / 4. Kwang / 5. Owen Hart / 6. Bart Gunn / 7. Diesel / 8. Bob Backlund / 9. Billy Gunn / 10. Virgil
Alright, let’s get this going. Steiner and Samu barely have time to do anything before they’re announcing the next person. 1:30 really is quick between people coming in. Scott’s brother Rick comes in next and the Steiners make fast work of Samu. Next up is Kwang who spits green mist at Rick Steiner, putting him out of action.
Owen Hart comes out next to a huge round of boos. Now that he has attacked Bret, he is firmly a heel
He manages to eliminate Rick Steiner pretty quickly. Bart Gunn comes in next and all four guys just mix it up for awhile.
Then Diesel comes in.
This entire match just puts him over huge. He just destroys everyone. In very quick order, he eliminates all four guys in the ring. Bob Backlund runs in and Diesel immediately whips him out over the top. Then he just stands there looking awesome for like a minute.
Billy Gunn is out next and Diesel whips him out in 10 seconds. Next up is Virgil and the audience basically bursts into disdainful laughter. He’s demolished in seconds and we’re left with more waiting in the ring.
The next 10 people: 11. Macho Man / 12. Jeff Jarrett / 13. Crush / 14. Donik / 15. Bam Bam Bigealow / 16. Mabel / 17. Sparky Pluggs / 18. Shawn Michaels / 19. Mo / 20. Greg Valentine
Macho is next and obviously he’s not going to get thrown out. He just beat Diesel with a straight pin the 1993 Survivor Series. He slows Diesel down and manages to survive in the ring. “Double J” Jeff Jarrett makes his Pay Per View debut, coming in at number 12. He has a good show, but Macho throws him out.
Shitty Crush pulls number 13 and him and Macho go right at it. With two guys that size in the ring, Macho doesn’t have much chance and Crush dumps him outside. Doink is next and I hate Doink.
Bam Bam oozes in next and pretty quickly eliminates Doink.
They sure are keeping the numbers low.
Mabel enters at 16 and the crowd starts chanting “Whoop, there it is”
Everyone is in the ring now and Sparky Pluggs enters next. Lots of low-talent in the ring now. Shawn Michaels is in at 18 and distracts Diesel with his mullet and helps eliminate him. The crowd is pretty quiet now. I think they’re bored. I am kind of bored.
Mabel’s other half comes in (Mo), followed by Greg Valentine and now the ring is Shawn Michaels and a bunch of garbage.
The last 10 people: 21. Tatanka / 22. Kabuki / 23. Lex Lugar / 24. Genichiro Tenryu / 25. Bastion Booger / 26. Rick Martel / 27. Bret Hart / 28. Fatu / 29. Marty Jannetty / 30. Adam Bomb
The speed and pace of the match really slow down for the final third. There’s not a ton to highlight that is super interesting. A bunch of pretty dull guys come in, and Bret Hart.
This Royal Rumble had the extremely weird and controversial ending where both Lex Lugar and Bret Hart eliminated each other at the same time and “co won” the event.
Overall: A quick event and a pretty good Royal Rumble overall. Although how would I know, I didn’t watch most of it