Survivor Series 1993 Recap


1. Razor Ramon, Randy Savage, Marty Jannetty, and The 1–2–3 Kid vs. IRS, Diesel, Rick Martel, and Adam Bomb


Adam Bomb makes his debut appearance in this kick off match of the 1993 Survivor Series and Macho Man makes his return to the ring after a long hiatus.  He gets a huge, explosive pop from the audience

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On the other hand, 123 Kid gets what could generously be called icy disdain

There is just a ton of talent in the ring.  Razor and Rick Martel start things off and get the crowd fired up with a bunch of quick moves.  Adam Bomb comes out next and the match degenerates into a big guy pushing contest.  Meh.  Fast forward.

Razor goes for the pin and Martel comes out to drop an elbow and break the fall.  Razor rolls out of the way and hits Adam Bomb.  All four of the Adam Bomb team start fighting.  They’re pretty angry at each other. How embarrassing!

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Almost as embarrassing as Macho wearing the same outfit as Marty Jannetty.  Rowr!

123 Kid comes out next and just gets the absolute piss kicked out of him.  It’s really, really entertaining.  Savage comes out and clears house and – much to my genuine surprise – nails Diesel with the elbow and pins him clean

“What a confusing match up this has been” says Vince McMahon.  I completely agree.  We are about 15 minutes into the match and Jannetty has not made a tag yet.  As Macho wrestles, he is distracted by Crush who comes down to ringside – they have a feud going on.

Entertainingly, Crush is on his 3rd iteration of costume / character, and I still don’t think he’s nailing it

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Well fuck you too, WWE Replay!

IRS grabs Macho while he’s distracted and pins him.  Some quick action follows – Razor hits the Razor’s Edge on IRS and gets the pin.  Then IRS hits Razor with a metal briefcase and Razor gets counted out.

It’s down to Jannetty and 123 Kid vs. Martel and Adam Bomb!

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Seriously?  Me?

The ending is a bit of surprise.  123 Kid gets beaten so badly he forgets how to drive.  Again – it’s really, really entertaining.  The match ends with a surprise pin by Jannetty on Adam Bomb and 123 Kid on Martel

Overall: That was a really fun match and a great start to the event


2. The Hart Family (Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Bruce Hart, and Keith Hart) vs Shawn Michaels and His Knights (Shawn Michaels, The Red Knight, The Blue Knight, and The Black Knight)


Why would anyone have thought this was a good idea?  Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart with a bunch of miscellaneous, masked strangers.

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Maybe I’m an actual wrestler, maybe I’m a volleyball player.  You don’t know.

The “Blue Knight” is actually Greg Valentine, but no one knows that.  So let’s pretend I’m a viewer at this event in 1993.  I’m turning over my Pearl Jam cassette on my walkman, loosening my flannel shirt and cheesing my hunger away.  All I’m thinking is if I can get home for the Party of Five premiere.  Why would I even want to watch this?

If you haven’t watched this match, my description won’t do it justice.  The crowd is completely silent, and isn’t reacting to any of the bumps

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THRILL to the action of retired unknown Keith Hart putting a sloppy arm bar on the unknown masked stranger!

This match is 30 unconscionable minutes long and I don’t have enough jokes to make it through the full thing.  Every joke is going to be just pictures of Shawn Michaels “knights” and how they’re fat, stupid assholes.

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I’m a fat, stupid asshole

See?

The Hart Family beats Shawn’s team one at a time until it’s just Shawn Michaels left.  Michaels eliminates Owen Hart with a sneaky pin when Owen bangs into Bret Hart.  Owen gets pissed at Bret and this starts to set up the feud between the two.  The match ends when Shawn Michaels says “screw this” and leaves.

Overall:  What a miserable way to spend 30 minutes


3. The Heavenly Bodies (Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Prichard) vs The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson)


Hmm.  1993 Survivor Series, you are making it challenging to watch you.  This match is for the “Smokey Mountain Wrestling” championship!!

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Yeah, I don’t actually know who these guys are

Just goes to show you, the WWE roster was brutally thin in 1993.  It really was a growth year.  I’m not going to spend a ton of time with this match, because who are any of these people.  Delightfully, the match goes on for 15 minutes.

The Heavenly Bodies win when they hit one of the guys I’ve never heard of with a tennis racket.  I guess they’re the new Smokey Mountain Champions?

Overall:  At this point, I’ll be glad if the next match has any actual popular wrestlers in it


4. The Four Doinks (The Bushwhackers (Luke and Butch) and Men on a Mission (Mabel and Mo) vs Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, and The Headshrinkers (Samu and Fatu)


Ah Christ.  It’s the fucking goddamn Bushwhackers dressed up as Doink the goddamn clown.  Jesus shit.

I am not going to be able to watch this match.  I just can’t

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Honestly, who could blame me?

Overall: The Doink team won, but I didn’t actually watch this mess


5. The All-Americans (Lex Luger, The Undertaker and The Steiner Brothers (Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner)) vs The Foreign Fanatics (Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, and Quebecer Jacques)


The Undertaker comes out to the biggest pop of the night.  Just deafening.  It’s impossible to oversell how popular the Undertaker was at this point in his career.  He has the whole auditorium on their feet.  Luger also gets a good reaction, but it’s not the same.

This starts off great, lots of quick action to keep the crowd excited.  Very quickly, Rick Steiner is pinned with what looks like some kind of screwed up move by Ludvig Borga

12s2xi

So I’m not actually sure what happened there.

Next up is the elimination of Crush.  In a turnabout of fair play, Macho Man comes in to interfere with the match and gets Crush counted out.  It’s down to 3 v 3.

Jacques beats up Scott Steiner for awhile when Lex comes in.  He wrestles for like 3 minutes and pins Jacques after an elbow off the second rope.  All these eliminations are pretty tame so far.

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Tame like Steiner setting up for a Superplex off the top rope.  Yawn

Yokozuna comes in right after this move and immediately gets the pin on Steiner.  It’s Lex and Undertaker against Yokozuna and Crush.  We’re about 17 minutes into the match and Undertaker has not been in the ring yet.

Finally at about the 20 minute mark he comes in against Yokozuna.  The crowd screams through the whole thing.  Yokozuna hits a fat ass press on the Undertaker but he gets right up.  They spill out of the ring and both get counted out.

That whole thing was pretty fun.

We’re down to Ludvig Borga vs. Lex Lugar which.. meh.  It’s an okay final run.  Lex Lugar nails a cheap flying forearm that makes me wish sweet, sweet Tito Santana was in this PPV.

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ARIB…. ah, it’s just not the same

Overall: That was a very fun match.  So I loved the first and last match and the middle was pure, horrific misery.

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Wrestlemania VII

As Wrestlemania VII starts, I’m relieved that it’s Gorilla Monsoon and Heenan doing the commentating.  I couldn’t handle another PPV with Piper on the mic.  He just wasn’t that great in the commentator booth


1. The Rockers vs. Haku and The Barbarian


Man, they loved starting off PPV’s with the Rockers back in the 90’s didn’t they?  I guess why not, you’re always guaranteed a good match.

By this point the WWE is running out of ways to use Haku, so they keep sticking him with random tag partners and hoping it will stick.  But nope!  He’s a reliable worker, but just not dynamic enough to do anything with.

Haku Wrestlemania
I’m a random heel!  Boo me! Or don’t, whatever

Of course this match is great, because it’s the Rockers and the Rockers are great.  Marty Jannetty continues to show how talented he is which is a reminder of how disappointing it is he flamed out after splitting with Shawn Michaels.

After the Barbarian and Haku go on a lopsided beating of Jannetty, the Rockers rally and get the pin with a series of high-flying moves

Overall: Who doesn’t love the Rockers?


2. Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado


Ugh.  Ugh.  What a garbage pairing.  Neither of these guys are exciting enough to watch in an entire match.  I also find this match a little weirdly gruesome in retrospect given that these two guys ended up dying within one month of each other.  Life is all about timing.

You know why I didn’t like the Texas Tornado?  It’s his finishing moves – either the Claw or the Spinning Tornado.  Both are terrible and dull.

sharknado_1
The only truly exciting tornado is made out of sharks

While I was typing, he beat Dino Bravo.

Overall: Just a terrible, boring match


3. Davey Boy Smith vs. The Warlord


This entire match is just an extended advertisement for steroids. It will be interesting to see how long the Warlord can last.  Guys his size don’t normally have a ton of stamina.

Warlord Davey Boy
For example, after one move, the Warlord switches to a sweet, sweet non-exhausting chin lock

I’ll give some credit to these big bastards, they try keep the excitement high with some decent back and forth, but anytime the action gets to intense, the Warlord slows it down with rest moves.

Then, very unexpectedly, the Bulldog power slams the Warlord and gets the pin.

Davey Boy Power Slam
“What the hell just happened” – The Warlord, 1991

Overall: Given the match was so quick, it was fine


4. Tag Team Championship Match: The Nasty Boys vs. The Hart Foundation


It’s 1991 and Bret Hart is still wrestling in tag matches.  I completely mis-remembered how long he had a solo career for.  I thought he went solo way before this

Going back to watch these early matches, it’s striking how much the crowd just loved the Hart Foundation.  As much as the crowd was on their feet for the Rockers, they are losing their minds for Bret and the Anvil.

Not a whole ton to recap in this match.  The Nasty Boys go on a 10 minute offensive run against Bret Hart

Hart Foundation Nasty Boys
A dull, slow, 10 minute offensive run that includes 8 minutes of chin locks

Eventually Neidhart gets the tag and he cleans house.  Unfortunately, while the refs back is turned, Neidhart gets clocked with the helmet Jimmy Hart was wearing and the Nasty Boys get the pin and the title

Overall: It was a so-so match with a couple minutes of excitement


5. Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel in a blindfold match


This match was universally regarded as one of the stupidest ideas in the history of Wrestlemania.  As the story goes, Martel sprayed perfume into Jake’s eyes and Jake was blinded.  To make the match fair, they covered both their heads in black bags.

Meh.  The match is about as eventful as you’d suspect, which is to say not at all.  Mostly because they can’t see each other.  They just flop around until the end, when Jake slaps on the DDT

Before the match, they show a clip of Jake on the Brother Love show.

Jake horrible clothes
I must have been blind when I put this outfit together

A mullet, a hand-knit sweater, black sweat pants and leather cowboy boots.  Welcome to wrestling fashion everyone.

Overall: Terrible match


6. The Undertaker vs. Superfly Jimmy Snuka


Here’s where it all started.  The Undertaker’s legendary undefeated streak at Wrestlemania.  This match is a really quick affair that only exists to put over the Undertaker, so I’m not going to bother much with it, except to point out a few things:

– The Undertaker gets a huge pop from the Audience even though he was a heel.  He was immensely popular from day one

– Pre-tattoo’s!

– I miss the Urn.  What a great, fun gimmick that was

– Ah Paul Bearer.  We miss you and your monstrously grotesque sea-monster face

Paul Bearer
I actually tried to freeze frame on a non-hideous picture, but it wasn’t possible

Overall: I love any match with the Undertaker.  10/10


7. The Ultimate Warrior vs. Macho Man – Career Match


The gist of this match is that both guys put their careers on the line and the loser needed to retire.  I think the story is that Macho legitimately wanted to quit (or at least take some extended time off) and this was supposed to be his swan song.

This match reminds me of Hogan / Andre or Hogan / Macho or Hogan / Warrior.  The crowd is screaming through the whole thing and the entire match has this fantastic, epic feel to it.

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It also has a double clothesline!

Both wrestlers go all out through the whole thing and it’s easily one of the Warrior’s top 3 matches.

Closer to the end, Macho hits Warrior with five flying elbows and it’s fantastic.

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5th times the charm

When Warrior kicks out you basically can’t hear anything, the crowd is screaming so loud.  It’s easily equivalent to Hogan slamming Andre in terms of crowd reaction.

The ending is a bit odd – Warrior looks like he’s going to quit because he can’t seem to pin Macho, but then he changes his mind (for no apparent reason) and hits him with three shoulder blocks and pins him with one foot.

What makes this match especially memorable are the events after it’s over.  Queen Sherri (who was in Macho’s corner) starts attacking him and who should come to his defense?  Elizabeth!!!  The crowd collectively looses their minds as Macho and Elizabeth are reunited, the culmination of one of the greatest storylines in WWE history.

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Horrible WWE writers of 2015 take note – this is how you do a fucking story

Overall: Easily one of the top 3 Wrestlemania matches of all time


8. Tenryu & Kitao vs. Demolition


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This match has a couple things working against it.  It’s following one of the best matches in Wrestlemania history and it’s against 2 wrestlers that literally no one had ever heard of prior to this exact moment.

What even more odd is that unknown guy 1 and unknown guy 2 actually won the match clean.  What the hell?  Demolition lost to this?

Overall: What the hell?


9. Intercontinential Championship Match: Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect


The lead up to this match had Boss Man feuding against the entire Heenan family and this was the culmination of that feud.

Boss Man and Perfect do a pretty good job in this match with Perfect doing his measured, non-exaggerated falls that he’s known for

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I also stumble into a full goddamn front flip after I hit my back

After about 15 minutes of back and forth, things are looking pretty grim for the Big Boss Man.  Shockingly, Andre the Giant saunters down to ringside so help him out.

This Wrestlemania is just full of surprises!

The Heenan stable comes down to help out, all hell breaks loose and Big Boss Man wins when Mr. Perfect is disqualified

Overall: This was a slightly better than average match, elevated by the surprise appearance of Andre


10. Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine


I guess they wanted to give people a chance to get a beer?  Valentine was on the sunset of his career at this point

Overall: I’m not sure, I mostly skipped through.  It was fast


11. Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory


This match is over before it even starts.  Animal hits Roma with a powerslam and as he’s recovering he runs into this:

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A giant, screaming, face-painted man trying to tear his head off, 11 feet above the mat

Overall: There’s nothing to like or dislike.  Blink and the match is over


12. Ted Dibiase vs. Virgil


I have no interest in this match whatsoever.  As I’ve said many times before, Dibiase is only as good as the guy he’s wrestling and Virgil is not a very good wrestler.

However, I will give credit to the storyline. Virgil’s turn on Dibiase built for like a year, so by the time this match happened, the crowd was just insane to see Virgil beat Dibiase.  This match was made even more intense because Piper was in Virgil’s corner.

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Horrible WWE writers of 2015 take note – this is how you do a fucking story

This match is a great example of what a really compelling storyline can do.  Watching this match just on its own technical merits, it’s… not great.   I mean, it’s not some nice back and forth I guess, but it’s nothing spectacular.  However, you have the crowd screaming with delight every time Virgil punches Dibiase

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In all fairness, it is a very punchable face

Eventually, with some help from Roddy, Dibiase gets counted out and Virgil wins the match

Overall: Just an average match, elevated to something fairly exciting by a great story.


13. The Mountie vs. Tito Santana


This match gets off to a great start when Tito pulls the flying forearm out of nowhere

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Finishing move to start off the match? Why the hell not?

He doesn’t get the pin, and then when the refs back is turned the Mountie hits him with a cattle prod.

Overall: What did I just watch?


14. World Championship Belt Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter


Before I can get to this match, I apparently have some DVD housekeeping to take care of:

Flip Disk
Always a sign of a long PPV

The special guest celebrities for this match are Alex Trebek (ring announcer), Marla Maples (timekeeper) and Regis Philman (guest commentator).  It’s always entertaining to see what kind of C-list talent the WWE can get for their events.

Some context about this entire event that I haven’t mentioned before, but this is an overwhelmingly jingoistic PPV.  In the early 90’s, the US, under Bush Sr, had just launched “Desert Storm” – the US-led attack of Iraq.  The war was massively popular with the public and pro-US sentiment was at an all time high.

Against this background, you had Sgt. Slaughter who was a “defector” to the Iraq army.  Hogan was the sole protector of US patriotism.  It’s a variation of the match the WWE has been running for decades and the crowd was really into this match – more than they would have been otherwise, I suspect.

Hogan WM VII
If Rocky 4 ended the cold war, why can’t WM VII end the Iraq war?

The match itself is nothing spectacular.  There is one small point of note – Slaughter hits Hogan with a chair and busts him wide open.  It took me about 3 watches to see when Hogan cuts himself, he kind of roles over and drags the blade across his forehead.  There’s a decent recap here:

10 Most Blatantly Obvious Blade Jobs In Wrestling History

Drama!
Hogan only bleeds Red, White and Blue BABY!  Well, mostly, entirely red.

Anyhow, aside from this change to template, the rest of the match unfolds as expected.  Hogan eventually hulks the fuck out, gets the pin and takes back the title

Overall: This was a surprisingly good Wrestlemania, maybe one of my favorites.

Royal Rumble ’91

The Royal Rumble is easily my favorite of all big PPVs. I’m immediately excited to watch this and then immediately disappointing when I hear it’s Piper and Gorilla doing the commentating.  They were… not an electric duo


1. The Rockers vs. The Orient Express


One of the Orient Express is in a mask and I have no idea why.  What does Wikipedia say?  Oh, it’s actually Paul Diamond who is very much not Asian.  Hence the mask

The crowd immediately gets into the head of the Orient Express with a rousing chant of “USA!  USA!”

Rockers Rumble
What should I do? They’re chanting the place they live!

Generally this decent match, that includes about 7 perfectly choreographed double team moves by the Rockers.  Just when you think the Rockers have this in the bag, the Orient Express gets the assist from Fuji’s cane when the ref isn’t looking.

The momentum turns, but the Rockers manage to get the win with an out-of-nowhere sunset flip

Overall: Gotta love any PPV that starts off with the Rockers


2. Big Boss Man vs. The Barbarian


Well I don’t care about this match at all.  Let’s just skim through this one.

Most of the match is just punching and kicking, with the Barbarian on offense for most of it.  My sense is that Boss Man does not enjoy being beaten for a solid 14 minutes.

It's just a guess
It’s just a guess

The match ends with a bunch of power moves with both wrestlers barely on their feet.  Barbarian hits with a clothesline off the top rope, but Boss Man kicks out.  Boss man hits his side suplex, but Barbarian kicks out.

Eventually Barbarian goes for a flying press off the top ropes, but Boss Man roles it over and gets the pin

Overall: That was surprisingly a very, very good match.  I think if I liked either wrestler, I would have enjoyed it more.


3. World Championship Title Match – Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior


When the Warrior was first introduced he had a series of matches against Rick Rude that were actually pretty spectacular (See Wrestlemania V, and Summer Slam ’89 for examples).

I bring this up because Warrior is one of those wrestlers (see Ted Dibiase) who rises or sinks to the level of the person he’s fighting  – meaning a great wrestler can get a good match out of him, but a shitty wrestler will get a horrible match out of him.

I suspect this is going to be horrible.

The match is mostly standard Warrior stuff, just him shoulder blocking and punching, until Scary Sherri interferes and Warrior chases her down the runway.  Then Macho pops out!

I'm a crazy, pink lunatic!
I’m a crazy, sprinting, pink lunatic!

Ha!  Man, I forgot all about this.  I could watch that gif all day.

With Warrior all beaten up, he barely makes it back to the ring.  Slaughter mostly dominates for the rest of the match with the Warrior only offering up a very tepid offense

Eventually Warrior starts on his “John Cena 5 moves of doom” (shoulder block, shoulder block, shoulder block, press slam, body press) when Sherri comes in to interfere.  While Warrior is busy entertaining himself by assaulting a woman, Slaughter uses the opportunity to blindside him and Macho Man then runs out and hits him with a giant stick.  Slaughter gets the pin and the belt

Warrior Hero
Karma?

Overall: This whole thing is a setup for Wrestlemania VII, so they can put the strap back on Hogan.  Either way, I’m glad the Warrior’s run is over.  He just didn’t work out


4. The Mountie vs. Koko B Ware


Why is this match even?

Overall: Beats me, I skipped it


5. Ted Dibiase and Virgil vs. Dusty Rhodes and Dustin Rhodes


Before this match starts, they cut to the announcers booth where Gorilla and Piper are recounting the events of the night:

sexy sexy piper

I just want to point out that Piper always, always looks like he’s just finished having sex.

Anyhoo, onto this match.  It’s really only notable for 3 things.

  1. Right after this match, both Dustin and Dusty Rhodes left the WWE
  2. This match set up the feud between Virgil and Dibiase
  3. It’s barely, marginally interesting to watch Dustin Rhodes wrestle without the Golddust facepaint

The match ends when Dibiase gets the pin on Dusty Rhodes.  After the match, Virgil attacks him and the feud is full force.

Overall: This match is nothing spectacular.


6. The Royal Rumble


The first 10 minutes: 1. Bret Hart  / 2. Dino Bravo / 3. Greg Valentine / 4. Paul Roma / 5. The Texas Tornado / 6. Rick Martel / 7. Saba Simba

On to the Royal Rumble!

Bret Hart and Dino Bravo start the match off in what ends up being a very, very mediocre opening 10 minutes.  There’s honestly not a ton to recap when your most electric wrestler in the group (next to Bret Hart) is the Texas Tornado.

Historians take note – Saba Simba, AKA Tony Atlas makes his first and only PPV appearance

Minutes 10 – 20: 8. One of the Fucking Bushwhackers / 9. Jake the Snake Roberts / 10. Hercules / 11. Tito Santana / 12. The Undertaker

Saba Simba gets eliminated by the Model, making him the second elimination in like 12 minutes.  This is a sloooowwwww Royal Rumble.  Jake comes out to a huge pop and goes right after the Model.  It’s a moment of brief excitement

snake royal rumble
Sweaty, angry, mustachioed excitement

I yawn my way through next series of entrants and eliminations (Roma gets thrown out by the Snake) until the Undertaker (!!) comes out.  He immediately eliminates Bret Hart which made me think he was going to go on a run, but nope.  He gets caught up in a bullshit choking match against the Texas Tornado.

Undertaker Rumble
What do you mean “I need more tattoos”?

Minutes 20 – 30: 13. Jimm Snuka / 14. The British Bulldog / 15. Smash / 16. Hawk / 17. Shane Douglas (who?)

Undertaker eliminates One Of The Fucking Bushwhakers and then goes right back to his yawn-inducing attack on the Texas Tornado.  Davey Boy runs in next (nothing happens), followed by Smash (nothing happens), Hawk (nothing happens) and Shane Douglas (nothing happens).

Without much fanfare, Model manages to eliminate Jake and Hawk throws out Snuka.  There’s still a ton of guys in the ring, we’re 30 minutes in and this is shaping up to be an incredibly dull Royal Rumble

Minutes 31 – 40: 18. Macho Man (did not come out) / 19. Animal / 20. Crush / 21. Hacksaw Jim Duggan / 22. Earthquake

Entrant 18 was Macho Man but they decided to no-show him to make it seem like he was worried about the Ultimate Warrior.  Now that’s excitement!  An empty runway!

Macho No Show
Electric

After Animal comes out, the combined Road Warriors team up to eliminate the Undertaker.

Huh.  So that was it.  That was Undertaker’s Royal Rumble debut.  One elimination and then just… standing around.   Yet Shane Douglas remains.

Royal Rumble 91
“This is totally worth it” – thousands of sarcastic spectators

Minutes 41 – 50: 23. Mr. Perfect / 24. Hulk Hogan / 25. Haku / 26. Jim the Anvil Neidhart / 27. The Other Fucking Bushwhacker

Animal is quickly eliminated by Earthquake followed by Mr. Perfect eliminating Hacksuck.  Hogan comes out and the crowd wakes up, finally having something to cheer about.  Hogan quickly eliminates Smash before getting mired in Earthquake’s crotch

Earthquake Hogan.png
A position many strippers have found themselves in as well

As Haku comes out, Valentine is eliminated by Hogan and Tito is eliminated by Earthquake.  I had forgotten Tito was even in this match, he was so non-impactful.

In the highlight of the night, One Of The Fucking Bushwhackers gets immediately eliminated and walks right back out.  It’s hilarious.

Bushwhaker eliminated
Random physical comedy has always been the hallmark of a good Royal Rumble

Minutes 51 – finish: 28. The Nasty Boys / 29. The Warlord / 30. Tugboat

Well, there’s only about 15 minutes left in this match, I don’t think the boys are going to be able to turn this one around.  This was just a fundamentally boring and shitty Royal Rumble.  Very quickly, here’s the remaining beats in no particular order to get to the final three

– Nasty Boy eliminates Hercules, Shane Douglas and Davey Boy
– Hogan eliminates Crush, Warlord, Tugboat
– Davey Boy eliminates Mr. Perfect, Haku and the Model
– The Model eliminates Neidhart

Earthquake and the Nasty Boy are left with Hogan and beat him up for awhile.  Unsurprisingly, Hogan hulks the fuck out and wins.

Overall: This was a slow, boring Royal Rumble with tons of missed opportunities.  Total, dull garbage

Hogan Crotch
For giggles, here’s another picture of Hogan with his face in a random crotch