Royal Rumble – WWE Replay

Royal Rumble 1993 Recap

March 13, 2016March 13, 2016Michael JamesLeave a comment

1. The Beverly Brothers (Beau and Blake) vs. The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott)

Hey! It’s the Steiners! The crazy, crazy fucking Steiners!

vlcsnap-2016-02-26-20h46m27s226 — Wearing color patterns that even the most flamboyant costume designer on broadway would find over the top

This match is a dull, shitty, dull dud. The Steiners barely lasted more than a year in the WWE, maybe it’s because they couldn’t find their grooves.

Or maybe it’s because they nearly fucking murdered one of the Beverly Brothers at the end of this match

zwmdd

Overall: I’ll give this match a 10 just for Frankensteiner at the end

2. Intercontinental Championship Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

The added wrinkle to this match is the Sensational Sherri. She’s involved in the storyline, somehow. The second wrinkle is Marty Jannetty’s outfit

vlcsnap-2016-02-28-15h41m51s99 — *Designer notes: Needs 3 more tassels*

This match was supposed to take place six months earlier, but was sidelined when Jannetty was arrested for murder. Or drunk driving. Something. I’m not a details guy.

According to Scott’s Blog of Doom, Jannetty was completely shitfaced for this match. You can kind of see where a few moves are bit off. I’m not sure if this makes the match more or less impressive.

After a quick run by Jannetty, Michaels takes complete control of the match. Knowing now that Jannetty wasn’t on his A-game, you can really see how Michaels carries the match. Jannetty hits a few power moves near the end of the match (superkick, DDT) but Michaels keeps kicking out.

The ref gets knocked unconscious, and Sherri accidentally hits Jannetty with his shoe. Michaels hits a very nonchalant superkick and gets the pin and retains the belt.

vlcsnap-2016-02-28-16h01m09s162 — Then everyone kind of just stands around for awhile. It’s a very weird ending

Overall: That really wasn’t worth the hype

3. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

This is confusing. Big Boss Man is on his way down, which would mean Bam Bam is on his way.. up? I feel like this match is basically a replay of the horrible, horrible match at Wrestlemania IV between Bam Bam and One Man Gang.

These two big fat idiots mix it up pretty well, but it’s nothing spectacular. I’m mostly too distracted by trying to figure out how these two are related.

bam bam big boss man — Brothers? Cousins? They’re actually the same person?

The only other thing of note is that Bam Bam has gotten noticeably fatter since his departure from the WWE.

As the match progresses, Bam Bam puts a very very long rest hold on the Boss Man. Boss Man powers out and transitions into an extremely clumsy suplex. Some more back and forth happens until Bam Bam gets the upper hand and goes to the top rope for a big, fat body press

Bam Bam gets the win

Overall: This is 50 minutes into the Royal Rumble and we still haven’t gotten to the actual Royal Rumble. This is terrible

4. Heavyweight Championship Match: Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Can you believe it? This was Razor Ramon’s only match for the belt in whole time he was in the WWE. Maybe that’s why he left so quickly?

Razor starts off with some heavy offense but Bret dodges a charge into the turnbuckle which results in Razor hurting his leg. You see this technique in a lot of Bret matches against bigger guys – he goes after the knee.

Sadly, Razor forgets about this technique about 7 minutes into the match and completely no-sells the injury.

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-10h22m01s109 — He also no-sells being Cuban

After Razor miraculously heals from he knee injury, the story shifts to Bret having damaged ribs. Razor takes advantage by applying a rib-based offense

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA — Rib Offense is also the name of Denny’s new breakfast special

The momentum shifts and Bret starts laying down a good beating. He goes for the Sharpshooter, but Ramon manages to scramble out. Razor returns the favor by going after the Razor’s Edge, but now it’s Bret’s turn to scramble out.

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-10h33m56s89 — Then they hold hands and dance because they are BFF’s

Bret ends up doing some really weird move that Gorilla calls a bow and arrow that leads to both guys tangled up on the ground. From that position, Bret converts somehow into a Sharpshooter, Razor submits and that’s it. Bret wins and keeps the belt

Overall: Pretty good match

Interlude: Introducing The Narcissist: Lex Lugar

Some of you might remember that when Lex Lugar was introduced in the WWE, it was as the “Narcissist”, a very short-lived character that they quickly transitioned away from.

The only reason I’m even covering this is that Lex Lugar looks exactly like the villain from Superman VI.

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-10h49m12s32 nm1

Okay, let’s keep going!

5. The Royal Rumble

The first 10 minutes: 1. Ric Flair / 2. Bob Backlund / 3. Papa Shango / 4. Million Dollar Man / 5. A Nasty Boy / 6. Virgil

Hey, this is an… interesting start to the match. Ric Flair and Bob Backlund. These guys once fought for the NWA belt in 1982! Papa Shango runs in but is eliminated almost immediately. It’s worth noting that fans in 1993 effing hated Papa Shango. Not as a heel, but just as a stupid, pointless, boring gimmick.

Million Dollar Man is out next. At this point, the average age of the wrestlers in the ring (Flair and Backlund were 43, Dibiase was 39) is 41. Electric! One of the Nasty Boys is next to bring the median age down and the crows is fairly apathetic. Will the next competitor ramp up the excitement?

The Nasty Boy is eliminated by Dibiase leaving 4 very dull wrestlers in the ring.

Minutes 10 – 20: 7. Jerry Lawler / 8. Max Moon / 9. Genichiro Tenryu / 10. Mr. Perfect

Jerry Lawler is also 43. 1993 WWE did not have a ton of new talent. Why not just slap a pair of tights on Gorilla Monsoon? He’s only like 73 at this point.

We’re up to number 8 and it’s Max Moon!

Goddammit, who? Seriously, who the shit is Max Moon

With this random stranger in the ring, Gorilla notes “This is starting to get interesting”. I couldn’t disagree more. Genichiro Tenryu runs in next and honestly, who the fuck are these people? Did McMahon just have an open casting call before this match started? Note that I never see Max Moon get eliminated, they don’t show it and Gorilla never mentions it. Great job, masked weirdo!

Finally Mr Perfect enters, and the crowd is ecstatic just to see an enterant they recognize. Perfect goes after Flair and everyone basically stops wrestling to watch them.

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-11h58m49s72 — I’m not joking, Tenryu is strolling around in the background, just happy to be earning $780 for the night

Minutes 21: 30: 11. Skinner / 12. Koko B Ware / 13. A Headshrinker / 14. The Berzerker / 15. The Undertaker

Keeping the talent level nice and terrible, Skinner comes in next. Mr Perfect eliminates Flair to easily the biggest pop of the night. “Finally, something happened” the crowd seems to be saying.

Koko comes out at number 12. I didn’t know he was still even wrestling. As I’m musing on the lack of talent in 1992 WWE, Mr. Perfect eliminates Skinner with a drop kick. Entrants 13 and 14 are a Headshrinker and the Berzerker. No eliminations through this period. Mr. Perfect makes another elimination and gets rid of Jerry Lawler. Dibiase throws Perfect out right after him. While that was happening, Virgil got eliminated off screen

Number 15 is the Undertaker

Even he seems pissed off to be in this trash

The crowd gives their biggest pop of the night, hoping this match will turn around. He immediately starts clearing house starting with The Headshrinker and Tenryu.

Minutes 30 – 40: 16. Terry Taylor / 17. Damien Demento / 18. IRS / 19. Tatanka / 20. The Other Nasty Boy

Terry Taylor is number 16 and is not wrestling as the Red Rooster anymore. Basically the second he enters the ring, he is eliminated, along with Koko B Ware. Undertaker then throws out Dibiase. Only Undertaker and Berzerker are left and Undertaker gets rid of him quickly.

They use this moment to introduce Giant Gonzalez. A one-shot, very stupid wrestler introduced simply because Undertaker was running out of credible competition and they needed a match for the upcoming WrestleMania

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-12h18m10s166 — The less said about the flesh-colored outfit the better

These two very briefly face off in the ring and Gonzalez immediately eliminates Undertaker. They keep fighting outside the ring.

Meanwhile, the only actual participant in the Royal Rumble is #17 – Damien Demento and poor Bob Backlund. IRS is the next entrant, but no one is getting in the ring because Gonzalez keeps beating up the Undertaker. The whole match has grind to a halt.

Finally the match continues, but they just leave Undertaker unconscious in the corner

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-12h20m23s213 — He gets paid more for lying there than Tenryu gets for wrestling

Tatanka and The Nasty Boy are out next. God help up, Tatanka is the biggest name in the ring right now.

Minutes 40 – 50 21: Typhoon / 22. The Other Headshrinker / 23. Earthquake / 24. Carlos Colon / 25. Tito Santana

I’ll fast forward you through the next 10 minutes. A bunch of people come out and some people get eliminated and none of it is entertaining or watchable. Well except Tito Santana. He’s delightful

Minutes 50 – end: 26. Rick Martel / 27. Yokozuna / 28. Owen Hart / 29. Repo Man / 30. Randy Savage

After Rick Martel comes in, #27 is Yokozuna. It’s slightly entertaining to watch him clear house, but not enough to save the event. His eliminations are extremely clumsy.

Eventually it comes down to just Yokozuna and Macho Man. The match ends with a very strange move – Macho Man gets Yokozuna on his back and goes for – a pin. In a Royal Rumble.

vlcsnap-2016-03-06-12h40m44s130 — Sure. Makes sense

Even the crowd was kind of shocked the ending was this stupid.

Overall: That was a very tough Royal Rumble to get through. That was awful

Royal Rumble ’92

February 7, 2016February 7, 2016Michael JamesLeave a comment

1. The Orient Express vs. The New Foundation

Lose your more popular tag partner? No problem! Just tap his brother on the shoulder and you’re back in business!

The ridiculous puffy jackets are a “must”

Owen Hart finally starts his run in the WWE under his own name. He starts off the match with some high flying moves that leave Kato disoriented

wvuna — So disoriented he can only stand there and watch while Owen punts gravity in the dick

Well that’s certainly a move you won’t see from Bret Hart! This match is a lot of fun and it accomplishes what it was meant to – it’s a good introduction to both the New Foundation and Owen Hart. Most of it is just Owen putting a bunch of moves on the Orient Express.

It goes on much longer than I ever expected. There’s some great back and forth with the Orient Express going on quite an offensive run. Owen Hart ends up getting the pin with his finishing move “the rocket launcher” (a splash off the top ropes).

Overall: Great start to the event

2. Intercontinental Championship Match: Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. The Mountie

Right after Bret Hart won the belt from Mr. Perfect at Summerslam he dropped it to the Mountie. This pissed off Piper (for some reason), hence the title shot.

The crowd obviously goes nuts for Piper and the match begins with him taking control before the Mountie gets his turn.

I don’t have much to recap on this. It’s a very fast quick that ends abruptly when Piper slaps the Sleeper Hold on the Mountie

Piper Sleeper — It was this or force him to read “The English Patient”

It’s so jarring when someone actually wins with a clean Sleeper Hold considering how many people (*cough* Hogan) break out of it

Overall: A fine, quick match, and Piper is always entertaining to watch

Interlude: Hogan is in a bathroom

I don’t usually include the backstage stuff of these videos, but this one is special. It’s an interview between Lord Alfred Hayes and Hogan in his dressing room.

vlcsnap-2016-01-09-19h18m45s22

Just so we’re clear, that’s a piece of paper taped over a door. Then when he enters the “dressing room”…

vlcsnap-2016-01-09-19h19m00s133

that’s just clearly the men’s washroom. I’m not clear why this was the best place they could come up with, but it’s fantastic. Early 90’s wrestling was just an odd mix of hopeless optimism and insanity

3. The Beverly Brothers with The Genius Lanny Poffo vs. The Bushwhackers with some random guy

Yeah, I’m not going to watch this. I hate the Bushwhackers.

Overall: Beats me

4. Tag Team Title Match: The Legion of Doom vs. The Natural Disasters

I never find these sort of matches too interesting. While all wrestling generally follows a template, these matches are identical

Legion of Doom Road Warriors — What? My move… didn’t knock down the giant fat guy? But… how?

The big guy is surprised he can’t knock down the giant fat guy and then he eventually knocks down the giant fat guy.

The Legion of Doom kind of plays with the template a little, but this match is pretty by the numbers. Lots of power moves, followed by lots of rest moves.

The whole thing ends with a count out which is super unsatisfying (the crowd agreed with their immediate boos) and the Legion of Doom keeps the belts

Overall: So so match, nothing fantastic

5. The Royal Rumble

Here we go, the big one. Rated by many, many, many, many people as one of the top 5 Royal Rumbles, if not the best Royal Rumble ever. The stakes are much higher than normal as the winner gets the WWE belt

The first 10 minutes: 1. Davey Boy Smith / 2. Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase / 3. Ric Flair / 4. Jerry Sags (Nasty Boy) / 5. Haku / 6. Shawn Michaels

Dibiase takes it right to Davey Boy at the start of the match, but gets cocky and gets eliminated right away. That was a bit of a surprise. And next up at number 3 – Ric Flair.

For context, Ric Flair was fresh to the WWE from the NWA and no one expected McMahon to put him over to the extent he did. He threw just about everything behind Flair, it was nuts.

As I’m typing, Davey Boy eliminates Sags and goes back at Flair. Next out is Haku – the dullest man in wrestling – and the crowd welcomes the breather. He’s eliminated really quickly and next out is Shawn Michaels

Shawn Michaels Royal Rumble 1992 — He starts off at a really slow place by kicking Ric Flair in the face

Tito Santana is out next. I wonder if I’ll get an opportunity to screen cap the sweet, sweet flying forearm before he’s eliminated?

One of the great things about the Royal Rumble is you get to see some match ups that never had a chance to get booked as straight matches. For example:

Tito Santana vs. Shawn Michaels. I’d watch the shit out of that.

Minutes 10 – 20: 7. Tito Santana / 8. The Barbarian / 9. Texas Tornado / 10. The Repo Man / 11. Greg Valentine

The next three guys come in with no eliminations. One of them in the Repo Man, who I learn is Smash from Demolition. Huh. Wow, did his star ever drop. Greg Valentine is next and they’re just stacking the ring with trash at this point.

Royal Rumble 1992 — Flair, Davey Boy, Michaels, Santana and and just a whole giant mess of garbage

Volkoff is out next and the run of lower-mid card talent continues. I guess they’re going to stack the later half of this. Volkoff is eliminated pretty quickly by the Repo Man of all people.

Minutes 20 – 30: / 12. Nikolai Volkoff / 13. Big Boss Man / 14. Hercules / 15. Rowdy Roddy Piper / 16. Jake the Snake Roberts

The Boss Man runs in and attacks everyone, while the Repo Man (!!) throws out Valentine. While he’s not looking, Big Boss Man whips him over the top. Surprisingly, Flair then eliminates Davey Boy and Texas Tornado one after the other. As I’m typing this, Shawn Michaels and Tito Santana eliminate each other as Hercules enters.

RR 1992 — Well that sure thinned out the crowd

Hercules and Barbarian eliminate each other and then it’s just Flair and Boss Man. Flair ducks under a flying tackle from Boss Man and then it’s just him left!

That was actually a pretty good run.

Piper is out at 15, followed by Jake Roberts and Hacksuck.

Huh. Hacksaw and Piper are indistinguishable from behind — Weird. Hacksaw and Piper are indistinguishable from behind

Minutes 30 – 40: 17. Hacksuck Jim Duggan 18. IRS / 19. Superfly Jimmy Snuka / 20. The Undertaker / 21. Macho Man

IRS and Superfly come out and who cares really, because at #20 is the Undertaker. His first move eliminates Superfly.

First Wrestlemania VII, now the Royal Rumble. Eat a bag of dicks, Superfly

Savage is out next and he immediately goes after Jake. After a crazy attack, he throws him over the top ropes and goes right after him. For some reason the Undertaker follows along and fights Macho on the floor

Minutes 40 – 50: 22. The Beserker / 23. Virgil / 24. Col. Mustafa / 25. Rick Martel / 26. Hulk Hogan

The action spills back inside and the Beserker enters to a resounding yawn. Piper and Undertaker and Flair have an interesting exchange where they all try to choke each other in some kind of choke-stand off

Three way choke — This is where Tarantino got the idea for the ending to Reservoir Dogs

Col. Mustafa is next, followed by Rick Martel. Nothing much happens. I’m shocked Hacksaw is still in the ring.

Hogan gets 26 and comes in a house of fire. He manages to eliminate the Undertaker and the Beserker one after the other. At the same time, Hacksaw and Virgil eliminate themselves. Mustafa was also eliminated at some point, but it was so quick I missed it

Minutes 50 – end: 27. Skinner / 28. Sgt. Slaughter / 29. Sid Justice / 30. The Warlord

The final four make their appearance we get to business throwing people out quickly so the match can move to the climax. Piper eliminates IRS and the Warlord gets tossed out by Hogan. Justice eliminates Slaughter by throwing him at the corner as hard as it is possible to throw another human being

x3uk6 — I have to assume Sgt. Slaughter died immediately after this?

It comes down to Flair, Hogan and Justice. Just as it seems like Flair is gone, Justice turns on Hogan and tosses him out. Because Hogan is horrible, he cheats and pulls out Justice from the outside. Flair wins!!

Interestingly, Flair gets a massive cheer for winning the match.

Hogan and Justice get back into the ring and yell at each other to set the stage for Wrestlemania VIII.

Overall: A great Royal Rumble, and a great performance by Flair.

Royal Rumble ’91

January 5, 2016Michael JamesLeave a comment

The Royal Rumble is easily my favorite of all big PPVs. I’m immediately excited to watch this and then immediately disappointing when I hear it’s Piper and Gorilla doing the commentating. They were… not an electric duo

1. The Rockers vs. The Orient Express

One of the Orient Express is in a mask and I have no idea why. What does Wikipedia say? Oh, it’s actually Paul Diamond who is very much not Asian. Hence the mask

The crowd immediately gets into the head of the Orient Express with a rousing chant of “USA! USA!”

Rockers Rumble — What should I do? They’re chanting the place they live!

Generally this decent match, that includes about 7 perfectly choreographed double team moves by the Rockers. Just when you think the Rockers have this in the bag, the Orient Express gets the assist from Fuji’s cane when the ref isn’t looking.

The momentum turns, but the Rockers manage to get the win with an out-of-nowhere sunset flip

Overall: Gotta love any PPV that starts off with the Rockers

2. Big Boss Man vs. The Barbarian

Well I don’t care about this match at all. Let’s just skim through this one.

Most of the match is just punching and kicking, with the Barbarian on offense for most of it. My sense is that Boss Man does not enjoy being beaten for a solid 14 minutes.

The match ends with a bunch of power moves with both wrestlers barely on their feet. Barbarian hits with a clothesline off the top rope, but Boss Man kicks out. Boss man hits his side suplex, but Barbarian kicks out.

Eventually Barbarian goes for a flying press off the top ropes, but Boss Man roles it over and gets the pin

Overall: That was surprisingly a very, very good match. I think if I liked either wrestler, I would have enjoyed it more.

3. World Championship Title Match – Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

When the Warrior was first introduced he had a series of matches against Rick Rude that were actually pretty spectacular (See Wrestlemania V, and Summer Slam ’89 for examples).

I bring this up because Warrior is one of those wrestlers (see Ted Dibiase) who rises or sinks to the level of the person he’s fighting – meaning a great wrestler can get a good match out of him, but a shitty wrestler will get a horrible match out of him.

I suspect this is going to be horrible.

The match is mostly standard Warrior stuff, just him shoulder blocking and punching, until Scary Sherri interferes and Warrior chases her down the runway. Then Macho pops out!

I'm a crazy, pink lunatic! — I’m a crazy, sprinting, pink lunatic!

Ha! Man, I forgot all about this. I could watch that gif all day.

With Warrior all beaten up, he barely makes it back to the ring. Slaughter mostly dominates for the rest of the match with the Warrior only offering up a very tepid offense

Eventually Warrior starts on his “John Cena 5 moves of doom” (shoulder block, shoulder block, shoulder block, press slam, body press) when Sherri comes in to interfere. While Warrior is busy entertaining himself by assaulting a woman, Slaughter uses the opportunity to blindside him and Macho Man then runs out and hits him with a giant stick. Slaughter gets the pin and the belt

Overall: This whole thing is a setup for Wrestlemania VII, so they can put the strap back on Hogan. Either way, I’m glad the Warrior’s run is over. He just didn’t work out

4. The Mountie vs. Koko B Ware

Why is this match even?

Overall: Beats me, I skipped it

5. Ted Dibiase and Virgil vs. Dusty Rhodes and Dustin Rhodes

Before this match starts, they cut to the announcers booth where Gorilla and Piper are recounting the events of the night:

sexy sexy piper

I just want to point out that Piper always, always looks like he’s just finished having sex.

Anyhoo, onto this match. It’s really only notable for 3 things.

Right after this match, both Dustin and Dusty Rhodes left the WWE
This match set up the feud between Virgil and Dibiase
It’s barely, marginally interesting to watch Dustin Rhodes wrestle without the Golddust facepaint

The match ends when Dibiase gets the pin on Dusty Rhodes. After the match, Virgil attacks him and the feud is full force.

Overall: This match is nothing spectacular.

6. The Royal Rumble

The first 10 minutes: 1. Bret Hart / 2. Dino Bravo / 3. Greg Valentine / 4. Paul Roma / 5. The Texas Tornado / 6. Rick Martel / 7. Saba Simba

On to the Royal Rumble!

Bret Hart and Dino Bravo start the match off in what ends up being a very, very mediocre opening 10 minutes. There’s honestly not a ton to recap when your most electric wrestler in the group (next to Bret Hart) is the Texas Tornado.

Historians take note – Saba Simba, AKA Tony Atlas makes his first and only PPV appearance

Minutes 10 – 20: 8. One of the Fucking Bushwhackers / 9. Jake the Snake Roberts / 10. Hercules / 11. Tito Santana / 12. The Undertaker

Saba Simba gets eliminated by the Model, making him the second elimination in like 12 minutes. This is a sloooowwwww Royal Rumble. Jake comes out to a huge pop and goes right after the Model. It’s a moment of brief excitement

snake royal rumble — Sweaty, angry, mustachioed excitement

I yawn my way through next series of entrants and eliminations (Roma gets thrown out by the Snake) until the Undertaker (!!) comes out. He immediately eliminates Bret Hart which made me think he was going to go on a run, but nope. He gets caught up in a bullshit choking match against the Texas Tornado.

Undertaker Rumble — What do you mean “I need more tattoos”?

Minutes 20 – 30: 13. Jimm Snuka / 14. The British Bulldog / 15. Smash / 16. Hawk / 17. Shane Douglas (who?)

Undertaker eliminates One Of The Fucking Bushwhakers and then goes right back to his yawn-inducing attack on the Texas Tornado. Davey Boy runs in next (nothing happens), followed by Smash (nothing happens), Hawk (nothing happens) and Shane Douglas (nothing happens).

Without much fanfare, Model manages to eliminate Jake and Hawk throws out Snuka. There’s still a ton of guys in the ring, we’re 30 minutes in and this is shaping up to be an incredibly dull Royal Rumble

Minutes 31 – 40: 18. Macho Man (did not come out) / 19. Animal / 20. Crush / 21. Hacksaw Jim Duggan / 22. Earthquake

Entrant 18 was Macho Man but they decided to no-show him to make it seem like he was worried about the Ultimate Warrior. Now that’s excitement! An empty runway!

After Animal comes out, the combined Road Warriors team up to eliminate the Undertaker.

Huh. So that was it. That was Undertaker’s Royal Rumble debut. One elimination and then just… standing around. Yet Shane Douglas remains.

Royal Rumble 91 — “This is totally worth it” – thousands of sarcastic spectators

Minutes 41 – 50: 23. Mr. Perfect / 24. Hulk Hogan / 25. Haku / 26. Jim the Anvil Neidhart / 27. The Other Fucking Bushwhacker

Animal is quickly eliminated by Earthquake followed by Mr. Perfect eliminating Hacksuck. Hogan comes out and the crowd wakes up, finally having something to cheer about. Hogan quickly eliminates Smash before getting mired in Earthquake’s crotch

Earthquake Hogan.png — A position many strippers have found themselves in as well

As Haku comes out, Valentine is eliminated by Hogan and Tito is eliminated by Earthquake. I had forgotten Tito was even in this match, he was so non-impactful.

In the highlight of the night, One Of The Fucking Bushwhackers gets immediately eliminated and walks right back out. It’s hilarious.

Bushwhaker eliminated — Random physical comedy has always been the hallmark of a good Royal Rumble

Minutes 51 – finish: 28. The Nasty Boys / 29. The Warlord / 30. Tugboat

Well, there’s only about 15 minutes left in this match, I don’t think the boys are going to be able to turn this one around. This was just a fundamentally boring and shitty Royal Rumble. Very quickly, here’s the remaining beats in no particular order to get to the final three

– Nasty Boy eliminates Hercules, Shane Douglas and Davey Boy
– Hogan eliminates Crush, Warlord, Tugboat
– Davey Boy eliminates Mr. Perfect, Haku and the Model
– The Model eliminates Neidhart

Earthquake and the Nasty Boy are left with Hogan and beat him up for awhile. Unsurprisingly, Hogan hulks the fuck out and wins.

Overall: This was a slow, boring Royal Rumble with tons of missed opportunities. Total, dull garbage

Hogan Crotch — For giggles, here’s another picture of Hogan with his face in a random crotch