1. High Energy (Owen Hart and Koko B Ware) vs. The Headshrinkers (Fatu and Samu)
“High Energy” huh? What was the creative meeting like when they came up with this name? Was “Exciting Wrestlers” already taken? Did WCW have rights to “Dynamic Athletes?”
This match is fine I guess. I didn’t pay a ton of attention because I was trying to think up more stupid tag team names that are worse than “High Energy”. Young Stallions? Power and Glory? Strike Force?
Whatever. These stupid morons get their asses handed to them by the Headshrinkers. This makes Koko B Wares last PPV (not counting Royal Rumbles). So long you bird-themed weirdo.
2. Nailz vs. Big Boss Man
I guess it was in 1992 when Survivor Series stopped the Survivor Series part of the event?
The gimmick here is this is a “nightstick” match where a nightstick is placed at the top of a pole in the corner of the ring. Whoever manages to get it can use it to beat their opponent.
Given the two people in the ring, it’s no surprise that wrestling is as far away from this match as subtly is from a Michael Bay movie. It’s power move, try to get the stick. Power move – stick. Power – stick. Powerstick.
Eventually, Boss Man gets the stick and then he beats Nailz with it. Yay, I guess.
Overall: Nothing is happening that is making me like Survivor Series to any greater degree
3. Tatanka vs. Rick Martel
Sigh. Just go read my review from Wrestlemania VIII, it’s the same thing.
For no reason connected with the fight, Doink the Clown comes down to ringside
Neither wrestler pays any attention to Doink the Clown and he doesn’t pay any attention to them. Meanwhile, the crowd doesn’t know what to look at and as a result is pretty quiet, not really focusing on the match
Both guys put on a decent work that ends when Tatanka hits Rick Martel with a back drop. Doink had nothing to do with the event.
Overall: I guess fine? And good job Doink?
4. Macho Man and Mr. Perfect vs. Ric Flair and Razor Ramon
This match was supposed to be Macho Man and the Ultimate Warrior, but Warrior had just left the company due to a drug scandal. Mr. Perfect was added at the last minute. This was also the start of Mr. Perfect’s run as a babyface. We’ll see how Mr. Perfect does given how rusty he is. His last match was against Bret Hart in the 91 SummerSlam as a heel.
Perfect starts the match off, getting the upper hand – first on Razor Ramon and then on Ric Flair. Macho tags in and loses the momentum, leading to a very long run where he gets to play the “hero in distress” half of the tag team, giving Mr. Perfect the perfect (ha?) chance to play up his new babyface role.
As Macho is beaten senseless, Mr Perfect teases like he’s going to leave, getting the crowd good and worked up. After a long run of abuse, Macho finally makes the tag and Mr. Perfect comes in to clear house. Perfect accidentally runs into the ref and knocks him out.
Perfect nails the Perfectplex, but with no ref, there’s no pin.
Chairs are eventually thrown in to the ring and the match ends with a disqualification. Macho and Perfect get the win
Overall: Pretty good
5. Yokozuna vs. Virgil
Ha! Goddamn, Virgil has no chance. There isn’t even a hint of a match to be had here.
This is Yokozuna’s debut and he is a giant, fat intimidating wrestler. Will Virgil start off by trying to knock over the giant fat guy and then be surprised when he doesn’t knock down the giant fat guy?
Poor Virgil. Yokozuna just destroys him. There’s a great moment at the end when Yokozuna drops the big leg on Virgil and you can hear the whole audience go “ooooohhh”.
Overall: A nice, big debut for nice, big Yokozuna
6. The Nasty Boys and Natural Disasters vs. Money Inc. and the Beverly Brothers
My DVD went screwy for this match and I had to skip it. I was really, really happy about that because I really, really didn’t want to watch it. According to Wikipedia, The Nasty Boys and Natural Disaster won. I don’t care. I think this was the only “Survivor Series” part of the match?
Overall: Here’s a picture of Voltron, which is maybe more entertaining than the match we didn’t watch
7. Undertaker vs. Kamala – Coffin Match
The promo for this match has Undertaker building the actual coffin that will be used in the coffin match. Why would a zombie monster giant be good at woodworking?
I guess the Undertaker liked to explore other vocations if this whole wrestling thing didn’t pan out.
This match is simultaneously dull and great. Early Undertaker matches were all about pairing the Undertaker against some monster and then having the Undertaker take a crazy amount of punishment before getting up. There is nothing even remotely resembling wrestling.
Kamala gets the quick upper hand and splashes the Undertaker a bunch of times. Undertaker gets up, grabs the urn and hits Kamala. Kamala is unconscious and Undertaker gets the pin.
Next up – nailing Kamala into the urn. The Undertaker must be nervous, he hammers with all the accuracy of Donald Trump’s casual racism
Overall: I just can’t be unhappy with an Undertaker match
8. Heavyweight Championship Match: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels
Some backstory here – Bret Hart dropped the Intercontinental belt to Davey Boy Smith at Summerslam, but then quickly beat Ric Flair for the championship belt. Shawn Michaels then beat Davey Boy, setting up this match.
We’re starting one of my favorite periods of wrestling. Due to the steroid scandals of the early 90’s, MacMahon was – for a very short period of time – showing preference for smaller, more agile wrestlers who weren’t obviously made entirely of human growth hormones.
The beginning of this match is just pure wrestling. No power moves at all, just tons of grappling, takedowns and quick reversals. It’s great. It’s a match you would never see today.
Bret really controls the early part of the match using his wrestling power and Shawn Michaels gets frustrated.
He uses the power of wrestling frustration to put Bret Hart in a headlock that lasts like 8 minutes. I’m bored.
Bret turns the table on Michaels with a suplex and goes on a heavy offense. We’re about a the 20 minute mark and these guys have used a ton of moves on each other.
At the end of the match, Michaels hits Hart with as super kick and then a huge suplex. After some last scrambling, Michaels goes for a drop kick off the top rope which Bret Hart surprisingly catches and converts into a sharpshooter.
Michaels submits and Hart retains the belt.
Overall: Great match, especially the last 8 minutes. The 10 minute run in the middle was a bit dry